I am now fully convinced that of my three children (ages 4, 5, and 9), my 4-year old is the most powerful human being in my household, at least when it comes to matters of food. I have come to this conclusion based on various observances. I will share just a few of these with you.
*We have some sort of pasta dish once a week. Now mind you, both of my sons and my husband are allergic to dairy products (not intolerant -- allergic). Because we cannot have the cheese-laced delicious likeness of lasagna and
manicotti, said pasta dish consists of noodles and a
ragu-
bolognese sauce. To trick myself into believing we are not eating the same dish week after week, I sometimes use noodles other than spaghetti, such as
ruote di carro,
fusilli,
farfalle,
cavatappi, or even Mickey-Mouse shaped pasta. I even once flirted with whole-wheat noodles until I found they resemble what I imagine cat vomit tastes like. Last week I used
ruote di carro. Everyone was pleased with the dish. Everyone except the 4-year old. He took one bite, declared it "yucky", and refused to eat. This is after weeks of eating shaped noodles. We took the "well, you can sit there until you finish" route because the "you won't get dessert unless you eat" route is futile due to the 4-year
old's lack of interest in dessert. The 4-year old sat at the table for 2.5 hours, unfazed by his immobility. We tried to stay strong, believing that if we could just wait him out, he would eventually eat at least a few bites and we would score a point in the grand power struggle. The third hour emerged and it became clear that he was not going to budge. He was excused and my husband and I retreated to regroup. Last night, pasta was served again. This time, however, traditional spaghetti noodles were served. The 4-year old cleaned his plate without incident. Conclusion: We serve spaghetti noodles or the 4-year old will refuse the dish.
Never mind that all noodles basically taste the same or that I vary the dish to avoid unbearable ennui of pasta. Score one for the 4-year old.
*We have meatloaf a few times a month. I love meatloaf. It invokes happier childhood memories, which I have few of. My husband used to turn his nose at meatloaf -- until I made it for him. Now he shares my affection for the loaf of meat. The 4-year old also loves meatloaf and readily gobbles it down, often asking for second and third portions. A few weeks ago, I found a recipe for meatloaf that involves putting the meat mixture into muffin cups instead of forming it into a loaf. This new method has a multitude of benefits: shorter cooking time (30 minutes vs. 1 hour), individual portions, the ability to customize each portion (4-year
old's brother eschews ketchup), and the fact that I can spoon the mixture into each cup without touching the meat (I absolutely refuse to touch raw ground beef). The night before last, the 4-year old ate the half piece of garlic toast on his plate, took a tiny nibble of the meatloaf, declared it "yucky", and refused another bite. He also refused his potatoes, meaning his dinner consisted of a half piece of garlic toast. We decided to be stronger this time; he sat at the table for 3 hours, again unfazed by his immobility. The 3.5 hour mark neared and it became apparent he was not going to budge. He was excused and we retreated yet again to regroup. Conclusion: No matter how easy or how advantageous the meatloaf cups are, if we serve meatloaf outside of its traditional loaf form, the 4-year will refuse the dish. Score another for the 4-year old. Current score: Parents -- 0, 4-year old -- 2.
*I make a steadfast
attempt to serve a vegetable with most of our meals. These are not the usual vegetables shunned by children, such as broccoli, cauliflower, or carrots. I try to serve a vegetable that will appease each of my 3 children. This usually means baked sweet corn, fresh purple-hull peas (much milder than English peas or black-eyed peas), or green beans sprinkled with a dash of sugar. The other two children always eat their vegetables without incident, even though they receive double the portion of the 4-year old. The 5-year old sometimes even holds his nose if he is not particularly fond of the vegetable. The 4-year old is given a teaspoon of the vegetable, in the grand hope that he will at least try the vegetable. We don't require him to clean his plate; we ask him to try a bite of the vegetable since studies have shown that a child may try a food 20+ times before "liking" it. I find these studies to be bullshit, given that we have served him these foods for over 2 years. The 4-year old consistently refuses vegetables in every shape and form, whether they are fried, baked, steamed, boiled, drowned in butter, covered in sugar, or ground to a pulp and hid in the
ragu-
bolognese sauce. There are a few rare exceptions to this. Once in a while, on the third Monday of an odd-numbered year, when the sun and moon are at a right angle to one another and the temperature is exactly 65F with 78% humidity, the 4-year old will eat either all or part of the vegetable. Last Thursday, he ate all of his purple-hull peas. Other nights, he will try a bit. However, most nights, he refuses. My husband sympathizes with the 4-year old because he also hates vegetables, partially due to the fact that his family gave up on the
possibility that he would ever eat them when he was a child. My husband still encourages the 4-year old to try his vegetables and tells them they will make him grow "big and strong like daddy". This works sometimes.
My quandary is multi-faceted. I am worried the 4-year old is not getting adequate nutrition. He takes a daily vitamin to try and replace some of the refused nutrients. Yet he still stays sick 90% of the time, either with a stomach virus or some other bacterial infection. Furthermore, the other two children always eat their vegetables without complaint. The 4-year old consistently escapes eating his food and enjoys the same privileges of the other two, outside of dessert (which we have already established means nothing to the 4-year old). Finally, it has become clear to us that the 4-year old uses food as a way to gain power. We ask him to do something and he refuses, knowing that we cannot force him to eat. This power struggle emerges in several other areas outside of food. This includes getting dressed, where he will refuse to get dressed until forced to, and drink choices, where he will demand a certain drink and when he do not cede to his demands, he repeats them (regardless of the fact that we never cede to the demand). There are various other areas of power struggle, but this post is already waaay too long. We keep thinking he will "grow out of it", but this has been going on for well over 2 years. I am not as interested in winning the power struggle as I am in making it clear to him that he is not in control of the decisions made in the house. I have no strategy in achieving this goal, as everything we have tried has failed.
Thoughts?
